‘We’re both taking six months off.’
‘Really?’ the Archdeacon replied, the question mark lingering.
‘Yes. Really.’
He paused. ‘Good.’
Another question came. ‘How do you think your life will change?’ asked a fellow clergy spouse making appropriate use of italics.
I paused, trying to hold back tears. ‘I hope it’ll change… by having more time with Jane.’
She knew exactly what I meant.
Last Saturday’s ordination service at Exeter Cathedral celebrated those starting a new chapter in their life as a member of the clergy in the Church of England. After 11 years of living in vicarages and being at the ‘frontline’ of parish ministry, for Jane and I that particular chapter comes to a close at the end of this month.
The Cathedral service took me by surprise, though. Yes, we rejoiced with those for whom this was a special day. It had been an honour and a privilege for me to accompany some in their two or three years of theological reading and academic study at Spiritus Theological College. But sat there, deep waters stirred.
A few days ago I posted on Facebook about how in our preparations for moving house I’d come across a book about dealing with personal criticism. I suggested that this was the type of book the new ministers will need on the shelves next to the theological ones.
We all get criticised from time to time: I know I do! For clergy and lay ministers such ‘critical thinking’ goes with the territory. We are easy targets. I know ministers who have been bullied. Ministers whose marriages have ended. And many more whose health has suffered. As Shylock said, ‘If you prick us, do we not bleed?’ What will it be like for the new ones, I wondered.
By the way, I was criticised for making that post (point proven, methinks…) – but the Archdeacon liked it!
There has been plenty of ‘critical thinking’ in the three places of those 11 years – but plenty more encouragement and affirmation too. There’s been tragedy and celebration. Laughter and tears (and that’s just at the vicarage). Confidences kept – and some broken. Privileged times and heart-wrenching times. And so much more no one else knows about.
Jane and I are so fortunate that we move on from a church community which in these final three years has been so supportive and encouraging. We have seen God at work in this place, freeing the hearts and minds of those who belong here, building their confidence, knowing they don’t need the clergy to do everything. We end on a good note – and we believe they are too.
The preacher at the ordination service talked about the importance of asking questions – questions about faith and life. I sat there, deep waters still stirring.
Reflecting on the new ministers turning a page and me finishing a chapter, I asked myself a question: ‘What would life be like without church?’
At times, I have to say that seems quite attractive! At others, scary: like looking down a big hole.
‘What kind of church are you looking for?’ the Archdeacon had asked me earlier.
‘I have no idea,’ I replied. ‘No idea at all.’
New chapters always start with a blank page… don’t they…?
Thank you for reading this post – please share it with others and subscribe. Our final service at St John Baptist Church, Marldon in Devon is at 10am on Sunday 26 July: all are welcome.
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