The two candles stood on the table.
One on the right (itself a sign of being good and true) stood upright, pristine and perfect. Its flame shining brightly for all to see.
The other, on the left (still held by some to be… not quite right…), imperfect, its wax forming misshapen shapes. A shield holding all in place so as not to spoil its surroundings.
In a recent piece on the BBC website, a contributor acknowledges that ‘I know perfectionism is an illusion, but I am always trying to chase it.’
As I sat looking at those two candles, thoughts came to mind about how the society in which we live promotes the need to be like the candle on the right. Many are drawn to it too. The ‘wish I could be like…’ desires fill our mind with illusionary thoughts.
Many people acknowledge being a perfectionist, like Jenny who contributed to my book, Loving Yourself: ‘I am very hard on myself when I make mistakes and see my failures, as most perfectionists are. I am critical and judgemental of myself. And also unforgiving. This had led to me feeling a lot of shame for not living up to my own expectations.’
Indeed, over the years, I’ve seen far too many people working so hard to prove themselves to other people (and themselves) that they have become unable to love others and, consequently, unable to love themselves: putting everything in to everything only to be left with nothing for anything.
Being a perfectionist is not all bad of course, as another contributor, Sarah, has found: ‘I find it helpful to realize that it often comes from a place of seeking the best and the good.’
And yet as I sat there, I was drawn more and more to the candle on the left.
The one which is imperfect. One which has been misshapen by all the many times it has burned. By all the many times it has been lit by the matches of its life.
And that was the one I wished to be like…
And that was the one whose flame shone tallest.
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